“Create a life by design, not a life by default.”
— Lora deVries
Introduction: Your Life as a Story
Everyone knows their life is a story and that they are the main character. It’s not some profound revelation. But there is a difference between knowing this and doing something with it. Too many people let their stories unfold without their control. They ride the waves of their life with no clear direction. Then they find themselves in a scenario that could have been avoided had they been proactive. Their lives become a tragedy. If they had realized they were the author of their life, they could have taken control.
Like any character, your life trajectory has an arc to it. One of two things will happen to your character’s arc. You are going to grow, or you are going to regress. If you ask me, these are the only two options. There is no becoming stagnant. Sometimes you are moving in either direction incredibly slowly, but there is always movement.
Most of us don’t want to devolve. And to the few odd ones that do? Well, I’m not really sure what to say to you. Maybe go find somewhere far away from the rest of us to become your own miserable little wretch. Don’t make the rest of sit by and watch. That’s the least you could do. But to those of you who want to grow? That I can speak to. The truth is that there is a lot we can do to grow. We can make conscious decisions that will lead to us living out the stories we want to see and not become an ill-fated Macbeth. Come along, and let’s do some intentional storytelling as the author of your life.
The BIG Picture
Some of the best storytellers have an ending in mind when they sit down to write a story. They know where they want their characters to land and who they will become. But the journey there? That can be a bit blurry. It usually takes a lot of trial and error. And once in a while, through that process of figuring out the in-between, the ending even changes a bit. We should take this into consideration for our own lives. Where do you want to land at the end of your story? Who do you want to become? What sort of memories do you want have to look back upon? The ending can seem so far away, but taking time to sort this out can help you decide what path (or paths) you are going to take.
The next important thing to nail down is the why behind it all. Sure, you may have an end goal in mind. But why do want to do it? What is the motive? Is it self-centered or one that seeks to build others up? If you find yourself pursuing big dreams and goals for selfish reasons, you will quickly realize how hollow the ending of your story will be. You will have regressed in character despite your forward momentum. As the author of your life, intentional storytelling requires a large degree of selflessness. That’s where we find the most fulfillment. The most inspiring stories revolve around heroes or characters who care more about others than themselves. Wouldn’t we want to be that sort of character?
Finally, what is a story without some anticipation? A lack of anticipation in a story is dull. Your own story should have some. There should be excitement about what lies around the corner. There should be wonder and awe. Maybe even a little bit of fear with risk taking. If you are living the same-old-same-old routine without ever bringing an element of anticipation into your story, it will become very dull. To be honest, you will probably regress out of boredom. Engagement in your story, which leads to growth, requires some level of anticipation. Of course, I am not advocating reckless or foolish behavior that leads to anticipation. As the author of your life, you want the anticipation to come from some degree of smart decision making. In fact, that is the best sort of anticipation in my opinion. A “well calculated risk,” you might say.
The small Picture
It’s great to think about the big picture. But sometimes it can feel so overwhelming. It can even feel impossible to get to the ending you desire. So what do you do to reach it? How do you flesh it out? Well, a strategy many authors will take is outlining their story. They figure out the little baby steps their character will take to get to the end. As the main character of your own story, this is what you can do too. In order to be intentional about your entire life, you have to start by being intentional about the small things. That starts with habits. Are your habits progressing you forward, or are they keeping you from reaching the ending you want? You have to give yourself, as the character, the tools you need to reach the ending of the story successfully.
Sometimes it can seem like progress is slower than we want it to be. The best way to combat this feeling is to keep metrics. (Metrics? What an odd word to use for storytelling!) I know, but let’s go with it. To make the most of story as the author of your life, you have to know where you’ve come from. This can take the form in a couple of ways – namely tracking metrics and journaling (more on journaling later). Metrics are looking at the data of what you have done and see how it has changed over time. Are you making the changes you want? Or are you falling behind? What needs to be adjusted? Think of metrics as the “head” side of the equation to being the author of your life.
If metrics are the head, then the “heart” side to the equation is journaling. Journaling and metrics can be one in the same to to some extent, but personally, my journaling tends to be more of me word-vomiting onto a piece of paper to sort out my confused thoughts and feelings. I am not really thinking about numbers. Journaling helps you, as the author, know how you’ve changed as a character. What thoughts and feeling did you grapple with at the beginning of your journey? What sort of thoughts and feelings do you grapple with now? How have you changed over time? The frequency one journals is dependent on what they can fit into their schedule. But consistency is key. You need to do it often enough to be able to trace the trajectory of your life.
Making the Most of Everything
With all this talk about taking control and having intentionality, there is a reality we as the character of our story must face. We can’t control everything. In fact, there is a lot we can’t control. Things will come up that will derail your plans and change your trajectory. But that doesn’t mean you can’t do what you can to take control. That’s what the most inspiring characters do in stories. They do what they can despite the situation.
On top of all this, we as people are going to make mistakes. We are going to make a lot of mistakes. And that’s part of living and growing as characters. The most inspiring characters we admire are not perfect. They all have their faults. Despite these faults, they are quick to recognize their shortcomings and do what they can to make things right. When we fall short of a standard, be it one we put on ourselves or some other standard we are held to, we can’t let that keep us down. We have to get back up and keep going. This is why I think it is worth journaling. It helps its keep track of those times we did mess up and we can see what we did to correct it.
What it comes down to, as Dr. John Deloney says, “The next right move.” Living intentionally as the author of your life requires you make the next right decision despite your circumstances. If you let yourself be controlled by your circumstances, you, as the character, are walking straight into a tragedy. You won’t triumph as the sort of character everyone loves in a good story. Intentionality isn’t always easy, but it gets us closer to the ending we want. And even if our ending isn’t everything we dreamed, that’s what some of the best stories are like, right? The best stories are about the character who didn’t get everything they wanted, but got everything they needed.
Conclusion: You Are the Author
Some of the best ways to stay motivated with living intentionally is appreciating good stories. Be them fictional, autobiographical, or from your grandfather, finding inspiring stories about characters who resemble the kind of person you want to be is important to our growth. We connect through stories. We see different perspectives through stories. And stories teach us valuable lessons about human nature. So surround yourself with stories that build you up and challenge your perspective.
Control what you can control, but don’t be a control freak. Accept what you can’t control, but don’t let it control you. Be authentic to yourself and recognize your shortcomings and strengths. Make the most of the time you have and be the sort of character you would want to look up to in a story. Absorb information and apply it. Keep track of what works for you and what doesn’t.
Also, learn to be a good storyteller. Here’s why… because you will reach a point in your life when someone comes to you looking for advice. Maybe someone a decade or so younger than yourself. The best way you will be able to pass on what you have learned to them? Through a story. Not a lecture. But your own life experiences. You will have a chance to become the mentor character, and you can aid along the newer characters toward the destination they want to go. But you can’t do that unless you have been intentional and have learned how to pass along you knowledge. Let’s not leave one another hanging in our quests to live intentionally as the author of our lives.
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